


Samurai Pizza Brats: Quit "Drag"in my Bro around.

by Pokejedservo



Category: The Weekeneders, Whose Line Is It Anyway? RPF
Genre: F/M, Parody
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-01-13
Updated: 2013-01-13
Packaged: 2017-11-25 08:56:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,878
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/637217
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Pokejedservo/pseuds/Pokejedservo
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Here is my first Weekenders fanfiction which is one big parody/homage to the 1st episode of the Samurai Pizza Cats TV series as it features appearances by some of the main cast of the 90's "Whose Line is it Anyway?" series.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Samurai Pizza Brats: Quit "Drag"in my Bro around.

(Opening Theme)

Drew Carey: Will somebody please cue that boy?

Bluke: I brought pudding…

Drew Carey: Wrong…oh nevermind…

WLiiA Crew: SAMURAI PIZZA BRATS!

Tino, Carver & Lor: Oh yeah!

Wayne Brady: Whom do you call when you want some pepperoni?

WLiiA Crew: SAMURAI PIZZA BRATS!

Tino: Right on!

Wayne Brady: Their stepping out crime and you know that ain’t baloney! There's Tino Tonitini he is the leader of the bunch!

Lor & Carver: That’s right!

Wayne Brady: He ain’t a heck of a fighter, but he has a heck of a weird lunch…

And little Lor McQuarrie whose never afraid…

Lor: That’s me!

Wayne Brady: On going into battle even dressed as a maid! And there’s Carver Descartes whose a “wild romantic rustler”, this cool cat gets knocked down with a love hangover…

WLiiA Crew: Here come the Pizza Brats!

Wayne Brady: Their so bad!

Tino, Carver & Lor: Tadah!

Wayne Brady: They got more hair than Colin Mochrie ever had!

WLiiA Crew: Stronger than old cheese!

Wayne Brady: Stronger than old cheese!

WLiiA Crew: Stronger than Wayne Brady’s Butt!

Wayne Brady: Oh stronger than Wayne Brady’s…what?

WLiiA Crew: Don’t step on their toes!

Wayne Brady: Oh not the toes!

WLiiA Crew: And you won’t get hurt!

Wayne Brady: Don’t hurt me!

WLiiA Crew: SAMURAI PIZZA BRATS!

Tino & Carver: Eh?

Wayne Brady: Their fighting crime…

WLiiA Crew: ALL OVER TOWN! 3...2…1 PIZZA BRATS ARE ON THE RUN!

Wayne Brady: Lor’s brothers are the villains, whom gone rotten to the core. It’s a nasty shame they live with Lor. They got the Big Bad Bro, and those nasty Ninja Bros. And soon someone finds the script we might begin the show! Sit down and park your feet! Turn the sound up high! And if want the full effect… GO EAT SOME CHILI CHEESE FRIES!

WLiiA Crew: SAMURAI PIZZA BRAAAATS!

(Start of story) 

The Narrator: Little SunnyDale, California a hometown like your hometown if it were affected by a rather demented cartoonist. Here Cholesterol is actually not too high, yet just about everyone spends too much time watching Cable TV. While rather quaint Street merchants are still a common sight.

Surf Shack Vendor: Get your Poultry-fried PDA’s with every meal! Get them while their hot!

The Narrator: It has the champion horseshoe throwing team in the world. And not only is it home to one of the few large arcades in the country and the World Food Museum it now has the new “Samurai Pizza Brats” Pizza Parlor where you’ll meet bravest ones in the land, the customers…

(We now go inside the area where you see lots of customers that were there unfortunately they wish that they weren’t. But now we see a little boy near the counter.)

Little Boy: Hey ladies? Do you serve Shrimps here?

(And now we see our heroines in kimonos, Tish in Green and Lor in Light Orange)

Tish: No I’m afraid not, I’m sorry…

Lor: Yeah I think its illegal to serve slices of little tykes as Pizza toppings in this state.

Little Boy: YIPE! (He ran out very quickly)

Lor (as Tish glares at her): What? I was joking…

(Now we see Tino in a traditional white robe serving the customers)

Customer: Hey this Pizza’s green!

Tino: I had to borrow food that my mom cooked so sue me!

Customer: Don’t tempt me!

(We now see Lor answering the phone.)

Lor: Hello, Samurai Pizza Brats home of the Spicy Samurai Sensation how may I help you? Alright the order is ready to go! Hey guys, here is a nice lean meat & Vegetable order for our school’s cheerleaders!

Tino: The Cheerleaders alright!

(Carver in a blue robe whacks him in the head with the pizza box.)

Carver: Now how can you make a delivery while knocked down like that? I better be taking this instead…YEAH!

(He runs out)

Tino: HEY GET ME BACK THAT PIE!

(He runs out after that)

Lor: Can you believe those two getting too wide-eyed for those tramps!

Tish: Boys, just because we don’t constantly walk with short skirts nor do we have quite the need of bras doesn’t make them any better company than us!

Lor (looking a bit shocked at Tish): Yeah…

Coach Colson: Excuse me girls…

Lor (bitterly): We’re busy!

Coach Colson: But I…uh…

Lor: YOU MEN NEVER CHANGE! THERE ARE OUGHT TO BE LABOR LAWS AGAINST THIS! (Coach Colson is now trying to hide for dear life.)

(Meanwhile outside)

Narrator: Meanwhile nearby the aptly named “Bad Bro” looks at the area with maniacal glee.

“Bad Bro”: HAHAHAHAHAHA! Look at them the fools! They look like little geeks just WAITING for the wedgie! MUAHAHAHAHAHA!

(Now we see Tino chasing Carver.)

Tino: Hey there are laws against this kind of crime you know!

Carver: Too bad there’s hardly a cop that’d care huh?

Tino: Grrrr…

Carver: Heh heh… Hey what the?!

(He notices that Speedy now has grabbed it away.)

Tino: What goes around comes around buddy boy!

Carver: HEY MAN THAT'S MY ORDER!

(Tino runs over to the Cheerleaders while he notices that someone has grabbed it from above.)

Carver: See you later little man! HA!

Tino: WHY YOU!

(He runs off to a somewhat more closed section)

Carver: I think I finally gave the little schmuck the slip!

(He now notices that its gone)

Carver: HEY WHAT'S GOING ON?!

(He notices that Tino grabbed it away via a Fishing Line.)

Tino: Nyah! Nyah!

(He tries to grab it again but instead got whacked by a cart.)

Tino: HA HA!

Carver: HEY WHAT'S WITH THE VIOLENCE?! THIS IS A DISNEY COMEDY SHOW NOT SOMETHING ON JETIX! JUST BECAUSE I SOUND LIKE HIM DOESN’T MAKE ME VIRGIL HAWKINGS!

(Meanwhile at the school while Tino is delivering the Pizza.)

Tino: To most people your just a bunch of bimbos but to me you’re a fine asset to the school’s spirit.

Cheerleaders: How sweet…

(Carver jumps in while standing on Tino’s back.)

Carver: Hello Ladies, I figured that you deserve the best so (he shows a bouquet of roses) Because a pizza without a bouquet of roses is like Cheese Fries without Chili. Please take this hot steaming pie as a token of my undying respect to your duties. *Under his breath* Amongst your other “ies”.

(Tino starts to rise his head.)

Tino: Ehh… HEY!

Carver: My, my it looks like jealousy rears its ugly pumpkin head.

Tino: I’m getting tired of being your insulted canvas you Brush head!

(Tino gets Carver off his back and starts to stand up.)

Tino: Listen you if you think I’m going to split the tip with you, your nuts!

Carver: Tip? Who cares about a tip once you got what I got!

Tino: Oh? And what would that be?

Carver: Well if you want me to spell it out for you its called Style.

Tino: STYLE?! Style my eye!

(Carver looks down a bit in pondering)

Carver: Style my eye? I don’t think that can be done… (He looks up and see that Tino is not in front) Huh?

Tino (offscreen): As a old movie I once watched with Lor once said “THERE CAN ONLY BE ONE!”.

(He swiftly does a surprise attack by whacking Carver at the back of head with a Bokudo knocking him down. But as Carver gets back up…)

Carver: WELL NOW I’VE SEEN EVERYTHING AND IF THAT BLATANT ATTEMPT OF BACK-SLASHING ASSAULT WASN’T ENOUGH IT JUST PROVES THAT YOU’VE BECOME ONE SERIOUSLY VIOLENT MENTAL CASE!

Tino: Save it for my next Therapy Session you Pie-Pilfering Pickle Toes!

Carver: Who you calling Pickle Toes you Fascist Pumpkin-Pie!

Tino: WHY YOU!

(The two recklessly try to beat each over up but while they are at eachover’s throats something different this way comes.)

Bad Bro: Playtime’s over kiddies, now the fun REALLY begins…

(Dark clouds start to come in and completely cover the sky.)

Tino: What?!

(The rest of the little people of SunnyDale look at shock)

Random guy on the streets: Oh my word!

Guy leaving his house: Honey, are you sure the Kitchen is not on fire again?

(Meanwhile back at the area in which about ½ of our heroes are at.)

Tino: Oh my have you ever seen such a contrived un-welcomed surprise?

Carver: Ever looked at a mirror lately?

Cheerleaders: Eep! Look! (Their pointing to the sky)

Narrator: Apparently they are as polite as they are smart but manners are no matter here as there appears to be a HUGE dragon in the sky! Dragon? I know California has some awfully quaint Oriental towns but still… But anyways the Dragon comes in flying about causing some quite considerable property damage along the way!

(The Citizens of SunnyDale run & scream in terror!)

Narrator: Oh yes City Blocks are becoming seriously damaged everywhere even on a retirement home for aging barbarians.

Aged Barbarian: BEJABBERS!

(And now we see Tino and Carver ready for action.)

Narrator: And now as the Dragon is about to strike, Tino sees its sinister secret about a second too late.

(The camera shows a few little people dressed in dark garbs and the Dragon whacks them down. But as they get up…)

Tino: Oh no, Lor’s Brothers are flying that thing!

Carver: So I guess there are up to some new tricks huh?

Tino: It was for the best that we stopped…

Carver: Yeah the guys at Whose Line introduced us to those Playboy Bunnies they had on the show.

Tino: Oh yeah they can call me cutie anytime…

Carver: Oh yeah…

Tino: Well anyways lets get back now!

Cheerleaders: Does this mean we won’t be sharing any pie? 

Narrator: Meanwhile at the next day we see a meeting of certain volunteering citizens at the “Happy Helpers” building. Why aren’t they doing that in City Hall and why aren’t the Police getting involved? Simple the animators haven’t already drawn such concepts and this show is too cheap to start doing it now. But hey this is a story of pre-teens fighting crime in Japanese-styled clothes, were you honestly expecting this to make sense?

(Inside the place is mostly filled with shopkeepers except for another one of Lor’s brothers but this time he is dressed as a woman. Why? Don’t worry you’ll know shortly enough.)

Lor’s “Drag” Brother: People this terrible incident will cause GREAT havoc towards our already ailing economy!

Merchant A: Actually the profits on our Umbrellas with 5-Star durable material have increased many times over.

Merchant B: And now that people are running for their lives, sales on our seriously overpriced sneakers have went really high. I mean we’re putting all those 3rd World countries in serious overtime even more than usual.

LDB: You Greedy Capitalist pigs! You dare take advantage of the people’s blight over your own profits?

Merchant C: Well HDTV sales have been going awfully low lately…

LDB: That’s not the point! What we need is a serious plan of action!

Pizza Shop Owner: He’s right!

(Everyone else gasped.)

Pizza Shop Owner: I haven’t been agreeing with him lately, but he is right. Something MUST be done about this!

LDB: Yeah lets give it a really hefty bribe!

Pizza Shop Owner: Why would we wanna do that?

LDB: Oh I know why not you hire the Dragon in your shop so we’ll never hear from it again?

Pizza Shop Owner: Are you kidding? Of course not, that’ll scare off more customers than you dressed as a Woman! I know I’ve done strange things but Teen boys in drag are where I cross the line…

LDB: Don’t remind me…

Pizza Shop Owner: Anyways what we REALLY need is Samurai!

LDB: WHAT?!

Pizza Shop Owner: What we need are the Pizza Brats!

LDB: YOU NEED YOUR HEAD EXAMINED! Those good-for-nothing twerps only took the job because you let them play around with those new gadgets you got!

Pizza Shop Owner: Yes and those 3 are our only hope against this menace and they must be sent to fight this threat right away.

Mrs. Duong: You want to know whats the best thing about those Pizza Brats?

Pizza Shop Owner: OK what would that be?

Mrs. Duong: They deliver!

(Everyone there falls flat on their faces after that.)

Pizza Shop Owner: Yeah…

(We now see the Pizza Shop Owner near a pay-phone.)

Pizza Shop Owner: I better call the kids to deliver one Dragon to go! And they can smash it too! (He is now dialing up and on the phone.)

Narrator: Meanwhile nearby at the McQuarrie residence some evil treachery was going on. As it appears that Lor’s rather estranged brother is really the “Big Cheese” of it all.

The “Big Cheese”: Oh this is bad! Lor and her friends are about to mess up our whole plans!

Lor’s Dad: Don’t worry thanks to this surprisingly good material they were practically giving away at China Town our plan’s success will be assured isn’t that right?

Bad Bro: No kidding pops, all my little brothers are just hungry for a strike in fact their just plain hungry. When’s lunch?

TBC: Tell them that when the plan works they can eat all the pizza they want.

Lor’s Dad: And when its done we could get you guys that job at the Pizza Place or something even better.

TBC: And to think I was getting worried over us losing to the Pizza Brats.

Lor’s Dad: Amazing what the promise of a Profit Margin can do huh?

(They both laugh)

TBC: Oh yes this makes me feel pretty oh so pretty! (Realizes what he just said and looks disgusted)

Lor’s Dad: Don’t worry after the plan is done we can actually afford something that’ll finally get you out of that dress.

TBC: Thank you…

Narrator: Meanwhile back at the Pizza Brats…

Tish: Hey guys the boss just called he said that this whole Dragon ordeal has gone too far

Tino: Well then what are we waiting for? Lets get to it!

(Tino, Carver and Lor jump into a few ovens that’re really transport tubes and as they are sliding down…)

WLiiA: SAMURAI PIZZA BRATS!

Wayne Brady: They can make good Pizza but that ain’t all…

WLiiA Crew: Samurai Pizza Brats!

Wayne Brady: They ready to fight if you need them just call! They know how to stop crime just do what they say and if you don’t want a bad time just stay out of their way! Oh I love those brats…

WLiiA Crew: SAMURAI PIZZA BRATS!

Wayne Brady: The heroes whom never wear fake fur…

(And during the course of the song, we see Tino have some body armor placed under his robes, while a pair of plated gauntlets are snapped into his arms and he wears a highly durable headband. And as the huge cannon above is getting ready to fire we see Tish at the controls.)

Tish: I love this job, it reminds me of all the lovely musical lessons I had from my relatives from the old country especially when I got it right. And the wind resistance is great, projectile distance should be going just fine. Blast off!

(Meanwhile outside we hear her on the loudspeaker)

Tish: Ladies & Gentlemen my friends will be saving the city, quite the achievement that's not too “Kiddy”. And as I shall blast them away, they’ll be off to save the day!

(Back inside)

Tish: Kaboom!

(She blasts her gun-shaped firing device as our heroic trio blasts off into the skies.)

Colin Mochrie: Say Ryan did I just see a few oddly-dressed pre-teens flying in the sky?

Ryan Stiles: Looks like another one of those “Only in California” stories huh?

Colin Mochrie: No kidding…

Narrator: Meanwhile as our heroes are about to arrive, the skies get awfully cloudy on the other side of town as the Dragon does another demented dance of destruction!

(Meanwhile as the Dragon is wrecking the place)

Bad Bro: Oh yes this is more fun than the time I gave some brats some Shock Cola! MUAHAHAHAHA! OH YES WREATHE WITH FEAR! HAHAHAHAHA!

Narrator: Anybody else getting that “Wrong show” feeling?

Bad Bro: SAME GENERAL BATTLE THEME!

Narrator: Point well taken then…

Tino (offscreen): Hey Shredder the Ninja Turtles called they want their villain back!

Bad Bro: That’s absurd I have plenty of differences! And besides I’ve always been human! And whom is this?

Carver (os): We’ll give you a hint, we’re the stars of this cartoon!

Bad Bro: Well your too late twerps!

Lor: We spoke with the writer theres plenty of time left in this episode.

Bad Bro: CURSE HIM!

(We now see them making their entrances.)

Carver: Sorry Weenie Teenie, when the going gets tough its time to play rough. I’m Carver Descartes…

Lor: And I got no time to play, when its time for a good ol’ fray. I’m Lor! (She winks to the camera)

Tino: I’m the only guy whom can’t even rhyme but I’m Tino Tonitini at your service! As we are…

All 3: THE SAMURAI PIZZA BRATS!

Bad bro: Ah man this is like those bad plays I was in back at Junior High but at least the costumes were not as cheap!

Narrator: And yes as our heroes are ready for battle!

Tino: Hey Jeff I don’t think this is a good time for that now…

Jeff Bennett the Narrator: You called me Jeff? Heh, I think I’m the only narrator whom has ever been called by name during a show! HA! Eat THAT Tom Kenney!

Tino: Actually the late great Robert Stack was called by name during the course of one of the other underrated Disney shows namely “Hercules: The Animated Series”.

Jeff Bennett: You guys just couldn’t let me have my fun could you?

Tino: Heh heh…

Jeff Bennett: Well alrighty then I wouldn’t want to interrupt the Pizza BRATS anymore now would I?

Bad Bro: Can we PLEASE just get this scene going?

Jeff Bennett: Oh alright…

Bad Bro: And NOW Dragon, attack!

(Lor’s Brothers are becoming more visible as they are riding the huge Dragon Kite.)

Tino: Hey Carver its getting dark here why not shed some light in this situation?

Carver: You got it man!

Narrator: Yes and as Carver uses his powerful uber-flashlight umbrella on the boys to REALLY get them to see the light!

Bad Bro (while groaning): Could that pun by any worse?

(Carvers shines the light on their faces so much they can barely see anything.)

Tino: This should increase the sales on glasses in the future!

Carver: Naw they seem more like the contact lenses kind of guys.

Lor: And now its my turn!

(She throws a disc-like shruiken at the Dragon getting it to pop, unfortunately instead of just deflating the thing went up in flames.)

Lor: Oops! Sorry guys!

(Her brothers look terrified as they hold on while the Dragon is burning up.)

Bad bro: JUST GET OFF THE THING YOU GUYS! That armor of yours is not just for protection! AND NOW I SHALL UNLEASH THE BROTHERS OF WAR! GO!

(Lor’s brothers come down and charged at our heroic trio. While Tino whacks them away with his bokudo while Carver does the same with his Umbrella…)

Lor: Now its time for a real treat! (She holds up a can of fine Soda) Oh boys!

Some of Lor’s Brothers: AH! (They noticed the can as they draw closer)

Lor: Come and get it guys! Heh heh… (She shakes the can up real good and opens it as the soda bursts at them.)

3 of Lor’s Brothers: No fair…

Carver: Hey guys wanna see me do a trick?

(He twirls the umbrella in a hypnotic fashion.)

Carver: You are under my power…

3 of Lor’s Brothers: Yes…

Carver: There is an ultra-violent Video Game in front of you & the first one whom grabs it gets to play it. Now GO! The Power of Midway compels you!

One of Lor’s little brothers: Ultra-violent?! SWEET!

(They roughhouse eachother over it. And now as Carver poses while putting his umbrella up.)

Different yet Creepy Narration Voice: CARVER WINS! FLAWLESS VICTORY!

(Meanwhile right nearby Bad Bro launches a slightly different attack on our heroes.)

Bad Bro: HA! I still got the Dragon’s Legs! And I can still pound on you with these!

Tino: Dragon’s Legs? Hath China ripped off France in Cuisine Delicacy?

Jeff Bennett: Now before you throw your Chicken Chow Crepes at him for that bad joke, Tino gets ready for his ultimate attack!

(The background suddenly becomes a lot more fiery as he makes his battle stance.)

Jeff Bennett: And yes Tino gets himself ready for his “Magical” Ginzu sword…

(A new sheath pops out at the bottom of his sheath as he pulls another sword out. How? Who knows…)

Jeff Bennett: It SLICES! It DICES! AND IT CUTS JULIANNE FRIES! IT’S THE MAGICAL GINZU SWORD!

Tino: NOW IT’S TIME TO FALL!

(He quickly does a swift slash attack slicing both legs down.)

Jeff Bennett: Not quite what I was thinking of but what the hey…

Bad Bro: Oh no…

Tino: Time to do our pose guys! 

Carver & Lor: TADAH!

(Meanwhile back at the McQuarrie Residence.)

TBC: I WON’T LOSE MY TEMPER! I WON’T LOSE MY TEMPER! I WON’T LOSE MY TEMPEEER!

(His anger induced blood-pressure goes so high a good portion of that dress bursts, now he is more relieved despite the fact that his attire is in shreds.)

TBC: I feel so much better now…

Lor’s Dad: I seriously need a Catscan for agreeing to be in this half-baked scheme.

Jeff Bennett: Say why DID you agree to go with this plan anyways?

Lor’s Dad: YOU try to provide for 17 people in one whole household! Any idea how much those debt-saving plans charge for that much people in the same house?!

Jeff Bennett: Well okay then at least you had an excuse…

(We now see our heroic trio nearby a bridge.)

Jeff Bennett: And now the day as been truly saved BY THE SAMURAI PIZZA BRATS!

(Now we see Tino fall off the bridge.)

Jeff Bennett: LADIES AND GENTLEMEN THE SAMURAI PIZZA BRATS FANCLUB OATH!

Lor’s Brothers: The Pizza Brats are Samurai and we’d like to note…

Lor’s Dad: Their antics take your breath away…

Lor’s Brothers: LIKE CHEESEBALLS IN YOUR THROAT!

Tino: We children are a special breed, we never call retreat!

Carver: Whenever Lor’s Bros knock us down!

Lor: We land upon our feet!

Jeff Bennett: SO HAIL TO THEE OL’ PIZZA BRATS! PLEASE RING THAT LITTLE BELL! We know you maybe Pen & Ink but we know you fight like…

All 3: PIZZA BRATS!

WLiiA Crew: SAMURAI PIZZA BRATS!

Wayne Brady: We hope you like this show it’s the best they could do.

WLiiA Crew: SAMURAI PIZZA BRATS!

Wayne Brady: If you could do better then we still wouldn’t leave it to you! But just for a reminder you might like to know THE BRATS WILL BE BACK FOR ANOTHER BIG SHOW! HAHAHAHA! Will they?

WLiiA Crew: SAMURAI PIZZA BRATS!

Wayne Brady: Their fighting crime…

WLiiA Crew: ALL OVER TIME!

Wayne Brady: Oh yeah! Hehehehe…

WLiiA Crew: C’MON AND TWO! FOUR! SIX! EIGHT! WHAT DO WE EXPECTORATE?! SAMURAI PIZZA BRATS!

Wayne Brady: Don’t bother finding any credits, y’know who did the work…

WLiiA Crew: SAMURAI PIZZA BRAAAATS!


End file.
